she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
