yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
foreskin is a definite game changer
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
