i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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