Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
