Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
