Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
