Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
