if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize