you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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