Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I am puke
there was a trapeze. enough said
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize