Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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