but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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