I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
