I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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