I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
