nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
