girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize