he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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