Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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