Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
