Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
someone owes me an orgasm
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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