hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
