If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
