That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
