yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He literally asked permission to hit on me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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