dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
