do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
