I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize