i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
