I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
