obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
