last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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