she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
