I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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