If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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