yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Are we still banned from the library?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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