I am puke
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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