I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
