she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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