Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
