too bad you live with your parents still
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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