i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
