I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
