hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
