Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am midnight drunk by noon
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
