We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
