Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I will pee on everything he values.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
