her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
