Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
