I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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