so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
