I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
