thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
