He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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