Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
