i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize