the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
