Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
