WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wish there were birth control emojis
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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