Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
