You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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