win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
