I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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