is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
