I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
