im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
