yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
