did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
