bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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