my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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