I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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