Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
