summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
