i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
