I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
